Just Being Yourself

This evening you acted as though you were angry with me
And you replied that you weren't angry
Just being yourself . . .
But this can't be so because the woman that I know
Has always had a happy disposition
Just being herself . . .
I so wish that you would talk to me and tell me
What I could do so that you could be happy again
Just being yourself . . .

In Close Proximity, Yet Distant

Even though in close proximity with each other today
You seemed so very distant and so very far away
And when we did interact you had no emotion
None at all . . .
Yet, when I try to talk to you and findout whats going on
You refuse to share your thoughts and won't talk with me
And your words become blunt and often hurtful
Very hurtful . . .
So I just continue on with the day maintaining hope
And believing with every fiber of my body and soul
That a miracle will happen and your heart will soften
I believe it will . . .
And so I thank God that I can be in close proximity
With you and keep being as pleasant as I can be
Praying and hoping and praying some more
For a miracle . . .

Hanging in There

I'm hanging in there
And it could be worse
I could be just hanging
But that will never be
Because I am a coward
And because I believe
That miracles exist
And that with each day
There is the hope
That you will love me
Like you used to
So I'm hanging in there
With a positive spirit
Regardless of anything
You might say to me
That is mean spirited
Because like I said
I believe in miracles
And I believe in you
And so like yesterday
And the day before
I will continue
To love you
Like I always have . . .

The Big Trip

I had hoped and prayed for so much more
Even a little miracle to take place on our trip
Hoping beyond hope that you would fall in love
And your heart would be healed . . .
But the trip was much like our life at home
In that during the day you were pleasant
Yet at night you would become a stone
And you turned cold . . .
Still, I will take whatever I can get
And it was a little miracle or sorts
When each day we walked arm in arm
As though there was love between us . . .

Preparing for the Trip

A big trip begins tomorrow
As we head south to Brazil
And to Argentina . . .
So final preparations are made
Packing the last minute things
Trying to remember everything
And carrying in my heart
The hope and prayer
That this trip can be
A new beginning
For the both of us
Praying for love
To reignite
And that new beginnings
Will unite our two hearts
As we share a new adventure
And move towards a new future
Together, me and you . . .
For me, there is no other future

Gardening

Over the past few years
I have learned to enjoy
Working in the garden
And I have found
That it is a good way
To pass the time
Thinking and dreaming
Remembering the past
And contemplating . . .
Today, I was gardening
Doing it all
Thinking and dreaming
Remembering the past
And contemplating . . .
Contemplating the flowers
And how they are growing
Along with the berries
That are beginning to ripen
Then you came into view
And I began to contemplate
Your sweet garden
With it's lush vegetation
And longing to once again
Cultivate deep within
It's moist warm furrow
And taste the sweetness
Of your strawberry kisses . . .
Oh, how I love to garden
And you, my love
Make my my mind
Body and soul
Want to take gardening
To levels and places
That most gardeners
Probably never imagine

Believing and Loving

Another day of loving you
Or at least being in love with you
And the love grows day by day
At least for me and in my heart
But not knowing where your heart is
Makes each day ever so painful
Yet, I keep on believing
Believing in you and in us
And believing that love will bloom
Once again between our two hearts
And yes, I believe in miracles

Shopping With You Today

A day of shopping and what a pleasure it was
To spend time with you as your friend
Watching you try on clothes
And giving you a nod
From time to time
When you sought my opinion
On how they looked and fit
And so I found myself almost in Heaven
Just being with you and spending time with you
As you friend and "wanna be" lover
And you smiled at me
Over a dish of ice cream
At the end of the day

Tonight As You Bathed

Tonight as you bathed
I sat in the other room
Visualizing your nakedness
And desiring to press
Flesh to flesh
Oh! How I desire
To once again
Make sweet love to you
Between crisp clean sheets
Or wherever you may choose
In the meantime
I am going crazy
With desire
My body is on fire
Wanting to hold you
Hug you and kiss you
And if I have to wait forever
And a day
I will . . .

Blindly Looking to the Future

Maybe I'm blind
And maybe I'm dumb
But with each day
I feel progress in being made
And maybe with time
The bad times will fade
You see, I'm doing my best
To win your trust
And I'm going for broke
And if needs be for bust
My goal is simple
To become your friend
With the eventual hope
That we find love in the end
So with each I strive
To do my best
And hope that I pass
Your every test
And with each day
I hope that you know
That each day I love you more
As I hope our love grows
Yes, I may seem blind
And to some may seem dumb
But as I look to the future
I see good things to come

Keeping On Believing

My heart might seem broken
But is is not destroyed
As I have not and will not
Give up on love
And will not give up on you
True, you can leave me
It is your choice
But my choice is to keep the faith
And love you forever
Since I firmly believe
That one day as wounds heal
You will return to me
And will love me
As you once did

Love From A Distance

These days I find myself loving you from a distance
Doing so mostly in silence
Just adoring you with my eyes
My love for you punctuated
By my sighs . . .
Trying not to stare
I watch your every move
When you are around
Knowing in my heart
That you are true love found . . .
And I listen to your voice
To me it is music sweet
Especially when you talk to me
It is such a treat . . .
And at night I keep you in my gaze
Even when I'm asleep
I find myself counting hugs and kisses
Instead of counting sheep . . .
And this is how I pass my days and nights
Loving you from afar
I live for when you will love me again
I wish this on a star . . .

Day By Day By Day

Perhaps it is just my imagination
But I thought that there was a look
Of tenderness in your eyes today
I would hope that the trust is growing
And that we are becoming friends
Which is something I would settle for
At least for now . . .
It has been said that
Rome wasn't built in a day,
But if you think about it
Some of Rome was built in a day
And so I continue to believe
That little by little
And day by day
Our union will grow
From trust to friendship
Then from friendship to love
And I am willing to hang in there
For as long as it takes
Be that weeks, months or years
Regardless of how long it may take
I will seek your love
And will love you forever

Day to Night to Day and Back Again

As one day melts into the next
Day to night to day
And then back again
I find myself each day
And each night
More in love with you
The memories of the past
Keeping the love alive
As I remember
And visualize so many events
So many things
Like the birth of our children
Our trip to Yucatan and the ruins
Being your scuba buddy
Watching with pride
Each of your accomplishments
And even remembering
The long walks
And the pillow talks
The camping and exploring
And the love making and more
Which makes it impossible
To get you out of my mind
And impossible
Not to love you more and more
With each passing day
As one day melts into the next
Day to night to day
And then back again

Lost

I am lost, totally lost
And I don't understand
As today has gone from one extreme
To another and then back again
And I find myself lost . . .
This morning if looks could kill
I would most certainly be dead
And yet, I have no idea or clue
To what set you off
So like I said, I find myself totally lost . . .
I ask what is wrong
Inquiring as to what I unknowingly did
To incur your silent wrath and disdain
But your response is an angry stare
And silence . . .
So here I am, lost
I'm not understanding anything
But trying to understand
If that be possible
So I try to find my way . . .
While you nap
I bake a great salmon dinner
And set a great table
Which you seem to enjoy
But don't say much . . .
Still, Im lost
But think that I can see
Maybe some daylight in your eyes
As I think you are really in a struggle
To either hate me or try to like me . . .
Hey, I may be lost
But I try to keep a positive attitude
You know, whistle while you work
Keep smiling and keep a stiff upper lip
And all that rot . . .
So I plod on through the day
Leaving a trail of psuedo bread crumbs
That you might choose to follow
Back to my arms and back into our marriage
As I keep trying to find my way . . .
The day and evening culminate in a great way
In form of a surprise party for you
To celebrate passing your professional exam
And you smile and laugh and enjoy the party
While I look on . . .
And as the day comes to a close
You thank me for all the work I have done
Over the past many days
Then you hug me and say goodnight
Leaving me lost as you put on your morning face
And I find myself in silence and lost once again . . .

Time

There is time for everyting
And for anything
It is all up to us
We can take what life gives
Or we can mumble and cuss
Because we have all the time
That there is . . .
There isn't any more
Because if we do nothing
We'll end up time poor
We can spend all of our time
Being angry or sad
Or we can spend all of our time
Being happy and glad
Life is an attitude
And we must decide
There are choices to be made
Before time passes us by
The choices are ours
To be happy or sad
Choices that hurt
Are most certainly bad
In the past or the present
We can spend all of our time
But living in the past
Isn't worth a nickel or dime
It is said that time goes
And that we humans all stay
My choice is to love you
For all of my days
To use all of my time
In all that I do
By both word and by deed
To show I love you
And sinse I am old
Growing older each day
I can't let time pass by me
So to God I do pray
I pray there'll be time
For our hearts to unite
To bind us together
As we bask in God's light
Time, time, time . . .
What more can I say
Let's use our time wisely
Starting today
Because I don't want to die
Or live without you
I just want your love
Loving you
Is what I want to do

Self-Deprecation

You tell me to stop with the self-deprecation
And to quit with what you call the pity party
But that is easy for you to say
And much easier said than done
When I can never seem to do anything right
And when all that is wrong with your life
Seems to end up being my fault
I can't tell you I'm sorry
Because it makes you mad
And when I tell you that I love you
It makes you mad
Then added to that you say my words mean nothing
And then never stop to consider my actions
Of which I defy you to give me a list that says
I'm not always kind and thoughtful, even tempered
Attentive and helpful and such
Because you can't
Because I am all of those things
And without words my actions speak loudly
Plain and clear of my love, dedication and adoration of you
And you complain that I'm self-deprecating
Well, I suppose that I am
Sorry . . .

A Wish for Reciprocation

You have probably finished taking your exam
I know that it is very important to you
Which means that it is also important to me
So I've spent the mornng in deep thought and prayer
Sending you positive vibes so that you will do well
And at the same time praying that those sweet lips
That kissed me when you left the other day
Will return to me and want a welcome home replay
I so desire to want to kiss your lips
And have you want to reciprocate with a kiss
And maybe more . . .

Legalities and Love #9

A lifetime of education about the law
Yet, as learned as I pretend to be
I know so very little about anything
As for the topic of love I know even less
When it comes to love I've made a mess
So when I ponder legalities and love
The only answers rest with God above
But I pray that someday He will intervene
And you will consent to be my Queen
Plain and simple this thing of law and love
Has me baffled, but one thing I do know
I'll never give up on trying to understand
Legalities and love and that for always
And forever I will love you

Here and Waiting . . .

Home alone, here I am
While you are away taking an exam
But I am with you though we're apart
Because I carry you with me in my heart
And this I'll do until my dying day
Whether you go or if you stay
So I wish you well as you decide
To go your way or be my bride
It is your decision plain and clear
I hope you know that I hold you dear
Always I will love you as my wife
This I will do for all of my life
So I pray for us and for your return
It is for your love I will always yearn
I am here for you and I'll always be
You'll always be the one for me

Rekindled Love?

Tomorrow is a big day for you
As you take your professional exam
Which will prepare you to do
Whatever you decide to do with your life
And whether you decide to remain my wife
But you should know
Regardless of where you go
That I'm proud of you
In all that you do
And when you kissed me today
My hope that you will love me someday
Was rekindled
Which is for what I pray
Because you see
The love has never left me
I love you . . .

The Red Top with the Scooped Front

You wore your red top today
You know, the one with the scooped front
The one that so compliments your great cleavage
And drives me totally crazy out of my mind
With carnal desire and lustful fire
And although I tried to divert my gaze
All I could think of was taking you in my arms
Making ardent and passionate love to you
But instead of doing so in our bed
It was all in my head
Since you decided
You don't love me anymore

Our 4th of July Together, But Apart

Today we celebrated the 4th of July together
At least we kind of celebrated the day
In a strange and detached sort of way
Starting off with the neighborhood breakfast
Followed by the parade down mainstreet
I enjoyed being close to you
And even interacting with you
Although it was apparent
That you didn't feel the same
Which left me feeling quite lame
As in stupid and dumb
And even worthless
My life becoming with each day
More of a mess
And so as we were together
Yet so far apart
The only fireworks of the day for me
Were in my mind as I gazed at you
And desired you and your love
Oh, how these past two weeks
Have been torture and hell
Being so close
Yet apart
Certainly not the best way
To celebrate the 4th of July
It could have been such a great day
But all I wanted to do
Was cry . . .

The 4th of July - 2006

The 4th of July has come and gone
Yet, still as this day of celebration melts away
Into yet another day
Some of the die-hards
Mostly kids who dsire only to ignite more fireworks
With no real thoughts of what the 4th is really all about
Send rockets off into the sky
And continue to light firecrackers and other fireworks
Into the early of hours of the 5th
Keeping neighbors awake
But not for celebration's sake
Rather for self-amusement
So sad it is
That the real meaning of this day
Has been forgotten . . .

I Try to Understand

Another night alone
And the tears of loneliness
Are flowing from my eyes
Like flooding rivers
As I try to understand
But can't
Why you want to leave me
And why you are so full
Of anger
When not so many days ago
You held me in your arms
Kissed my lips
And told me
That you love me
So I try to understand
But can't

Emotions of Trying to Get Along

Just going through the motions
Trying to get along
Just trying to control emotions
While my heart sings a sad song
Sharing a roof
But nothing more
You act so aloof
While I ache to the core
So for now here we are
Sharing a house
As I love you from afar
And feel like a louse

My Daily and Nightly Burden

I get up in the morning and go about my day
While in my mind I go over and over recent events
Trying so hard to understand and make sense of it all
So I wonder and question how it could be
That you could hold me and kiss me and make love to me
Sharing what seemed to be pleasant days and nights together
Only to be followed by an invisible wall between us
Where there is nothing but cold stares from you
With little or no conversation and none of the physical
And anger if I make any attempt to even touch you
Followed by comments that I just don't get it
But truth be known I don't want to get it
I just want to understand and know what has gone wrong
To mend the differences and to be a better man
And to once more deserve your love and affection
These are the things that I ponder and that torment my mind
Each morning when I get up
And accompany me through the day
And into each night

A Basketcase I Am

I am an emotional basketcase
A mental invalid
With tears running down his face
Crying myself to sleep each night
But not sleeping
Until the early morning light
And even then not sleeping
As the new day begins
I find myself weeping
Not knowing what to do
Or how to live my life
In a world without you

Maybe Just A Bad Dream

You have returned from your trip
And I was so excited and happy to see you
But your feelings weren't the same
As you expressed to me that returning home
Made you neither excited or happy
And that you have no love in your heart for me
Telling me that you want to separate
Or even terminate our marriage
All of this leaving me in a state of shock
And devastated emotions
Leaving me not knowing what to do
Because I love you
I always have and I always will
Afterall, how can anyone just walk away
From 36 years?
Maybe this is all just a bad dream
I hope and pray it is so . . .