I Don't Cry, But the Tears are There

I don't cry as often or as much
As I try to become the whole person
That you want me to become
At least you can't see the tears
Because I keep them inside
The floodgates of my eyes
Holding back a deluge
Hidden from you and the world
By a calm, quiet facade
But the tears are there

Counting Blessings or Days?

The day before Thanksgiving
And my heart is full
As I count my many blessings
While wondering about you
And what you are thinking
Wondering if you are counting blessings
Or counting the days until you leave me

Two Days Before Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving . . .
Just saying Thanksgiving
And thinking about it
And what it means
Sends shivers all over me
As tears come to my eyes . . .
Albeit, grateful tears
As I count my blessings
Of which you are one
And I thank God for you
And thank you
For doing your best
To have patience with me
And to tolerate me
And maybe even love me
Which all makes me full
Of Thanksgiving . . .

A Day for the Better

Another day together
For better or worse
Although I like to think
That it is for better
The sun was shining
We shared time
And we shared space
Attending church
Dining together
Doing dishes together
And as the day ended
We read together
Saying our prayers
With you praying
For our marriage
Then we hugged
And said goodnight
Which made the day
Most definately a day
For the better!

Hope for Our Love

This morning you told me
That you wouldn't be here
If weren't for love
And I cried . . .
Because in a long, long while
I haven't heard you tell me
That you love me
Even though each day
I pour my heart out to you
Telling you that I am yours
And that I love you
And if I didn't love you
I wouldn't be here either
So thank you for telling me
Why you stay
For it gives us hope
It gives me hope
That our love will revive

Getting My Head on Straight

I'm trying to get my head on straight
Trying to do so before its too late
To save my marriage and keep my mate
For if I don't get my head on straight
I fear that I will suffer a most dreadful fate
Ending up all alone and finding myself full of hate
Which indeed would be a most hellish state
So today I met with a therapist to learn to relate
To myself and my neighbors and especially my mate
Trying to understand and be understood at this late date
Praying and hoping that my demons will soon abate
My mind getting tired of carrying such a heavy weight
Yet, I know that there may be a long wait
As I work and struggle to get my head on straight

Dying Words and Poets

The poet in me is dying
Or so it seems to me
The words don't flow
As they once did
Now the words just flee
The poetry that I once wrote
Once flowed from mind to hand
But now the words all have died
As if all buried in the sand

Waiting for God to Intervene

Laying awake in different beds
In different rooms of the same house
Each of us wallowing in our own misery
You, wanting out and making your escape plan
And me, trying to find the key to open your heart
While you pull away and I try to draw you closer to me
A virtual tug-o-war of distorted perceptions
That make little or no sense to me
As I try to understand it all
And why you want to throw it all away
Especially after thirty-six years of marriage
It just doesn't make any sense and drives me crazy
Not understanding where the love has gone
So we lay awake in our separate beds
But in different rooms of the same house
Each of us wallowing in our misery
Waiting for something to happen
Or for God to intervene . . .
Either mending our hearts
Or whatever
Though truth be known
In my heart I do know
That God will surely intervene
And help us re-unite
This I just know
Just like I know
I will always and forever love you

Reversing the Slippery Slope

The downhill slope is a slippery one
Making the future look gloomily dark
And devoid of light, happiness, and sun
Will the days filled with love ever return
And will love again once again bloom
And will our passions again burn
Or will hearts remain hardened
Are we headed for doom
The choice is all yours
For in my heart
There is room
Room for love
And room for some fun
Room for light and happiness
And room for the sun
The downhill slope is slippery
But we can stop the downhill slide
We can turn things around
Working together side by side
So please open your heart
I know that you can
My life's prayer and desire
Is to have your love and be your man.

Next Summer's Garden

At times, I am so confused?
You say that you don't love me
Then you talk about next summer
And what we will plant in the garden . . .
So, here I am trying to decifer what you are saying?
Which leaves me to believe that you are as confused as I am
Except that I know where my heart is and it is with you
While you keep your heart guarded and void of love
My only hope being next summer. . .
And we will plant the garden
You and me, together
And in love . . .

Having Faith That The Love Will Return

You aren't happy
In fact, quite sad
And I just don't know
Exactly what to do?
You say you don't
Love me anymore
That you never have
And all of this leaves me
More than sad . . .
Because I still love you
I always have
And I don't know
What I need to do?
So I try to give you
As much space
And give you room
As is possible
Having ever the hope
That your feelings
Will change
And your heart
Will soften . . .
I have faith that it will
That is that your heart
Will soften . . .
Because you did once
Love me . . .
Once upon a time
You did love me
And so I pray
That your love
Will return
And so I wait
For that day . . .
You see
I have always
And forever
Loved you
And I always will

Hoping and Praying for Tomorrow

My head is aching
And my body is aching
As I sit here alone
Pondering my life
And wondering
If life without you
Is worth livng?
At times I feel . . .
And at other times
I don't . . .
And numbness
Encircles me
But not tonight
Because of the throbbing
Going on in my head
Not to mention
All that is going on
In my mind . . .
Which is probably
Causing the headache
If that makes any sense?
Which probably doesn't
At least not to you
And I don't know?
I just don't know
What to do?
So I suppose
That I will keep on
Keeping on . . .
As in keeping the faith
And hoping and praying
And praying and hoping
That tomorrow
You will love me
And the headache
And, oh yes, the heartache
Will go away

Dreams of Life

People laugh and people cry
People live and people die
People dream of happiness
People scream when in duress
Last night I dreamed a dream so clear
That filled my mind with dread and fear
For I dreamed a dream
Of a dear, dear friend
Who's life was short
With a tragic end
So now I ponder my own life
And how I have filled it
With much sadness and strife
And the thoughts I have
Make me want to scream
As I fear my life is the dream
Because I don't want to die
Or live in dread or fear
I want to live
I want to hold life dear
But most of all
I want to make things right
And win life's fight
There are so many things
I want to do
But most of all
I want to live life with you.

Two Nights of Dreams

My Love,
Two nights ago my friend Bron came by the house for a visit and to help me do some work that I was doing on our patio, which was nice of him, plus we had a nice visit. And it was a pleasant visit while it lasted. But then I woke up. It had all been a dream, and now I am left to decifer what it means? For you see, my friend Bron, my dear, dear friend, in fact my best friend passed away about this time last year. And so this dream left me to ponder it's meaning, if any, that it might have to me and on my life. Then last night I had the same dream, except that this time my neighbor Richard accompanied Bron, and they both helped me work on the patio. And again, the visit was pleasant. And once again, when I awoke from the dream, I was left to ponder it's meaning. You see, Richard died about three years ago. Then, later, this evening a stupor of thought came over me that I should put my life in order because life is short and I shouldn't leave anything undone, whatever that means? At the moment, I am feeling lonely and needy and scared. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to die alone and unloved. Please search your heart. I need you to hold me close. Quite franky, I'm scared. I need to hear you affirm your love for me. I love you . . . I'm lost without you.
Your husband who adores you.

With Morning's Dawn

The day is over
The day is done
The day is gone
All gone, all gone
The day has run
But in the morning
The sun came up
The sun did rise
The sun rose high
So high, so high
The sun did rise
In the winter skies
But in the evening
The sun went down
The sun then died
The sun went dark
So very dark, so dark
And thats when I cried
But as it got dark
The moon came up
The moon did rise
The moon rose high
So high, so high
In the winter skies
And so here I sit
At a long days end
Again all alone
So very much alone
Like the day began
An so now its time
To get in bed
To close my eyes
To rest my head
To rest, to rest
To rest my head
To begin my dreams
And dream of you
To dream and dream
Thats what I'll do
That is my choice
What I'll do with you
With the day all over
With the day all done
With the day all gone
All gone, all gone
Until we start again
With morning's dawn
I can't wait 'til dawn
And just maybe
By all that I can see
With morning's dawn
You'll once more
Once more, once more
Be in love with me.

A Saturday Morning Date

A pleasant surprise
On a Saturday morning
When I asked you on a date
I didn't know if you would accept
But you smiled and did
As if a loving mate
We didn't talk
But you took my hand
And let me hold you close
You even let me kiss your lips
And I beamed from head to toes
Then you took me to your garden
Which made our date complete
And for awhile we lingered
It made our date replete
Afterwhich I held you close
While I closed my eyes
And then drifted off to sleep
Dreaming of my life with you
And my love for you so deep
So on this Saturday morning
I thank you for our date
Thanking God
That I am yours
I am so glad you are my mate

Watching TV on a Friday Night

Tonight we lay on the floor next to each other
Sharing a blanket as we watched a movie on TV
So nice it was to have you close sharing time and space
With me right next to you and you right next to me
Yet, beyond my fantasy of being close I knew we were apart
As the tears flowed silently from eyes and down my cheeks
I just lay there in my sadness mourning a broken heart.

Numb Body and a Headache

My head is aching and feels a though it may burst
Yet, the rest of my body feels numb
As though it were dead
And I feel dead
The only feeling I have
Being one of worthlessness
And of being so very much alone
But this must be how it is to be the life of the party
Especially if it is a pity party
With me being the guest
The only guest
Feeling like dying
Or maybe already dead
The numbness of being alone
Having overtaken what is left of my sanity
With my head aching and feeling it is ready to burst

Crying at the Movies

Tonight I sat alone
In a movie theatre
And I cried . . .
Families and couples
All enjoying the movie
And I sat there alone
With tears streaming
Crying . . .
Needing you to be by me
Wanting to hold your hand
But all alone I sat
In the movie theatre
And I cried . . .