Old, Cold, and Time to Check-Out

I am feeling so old and feeling so lost
Losing your love has had a high cost
There's an ache in my chest
And a large void in my life
Grieving your leaving
Losing you as my wife
I don't know what to do
I'm feeling so old
And feeling so cold
Leaving me to wonder
If living life in a blunder
And that maybe it is time
To check-out

Your Happiness is Paramount

As the distance grows between us
My life feels more and more like a hell
But a life that I am willing to live
If you can find happiness somewhere
Or sometime or with someone . . .
Because your happiness is paramount
Regardless of what my wishes may be
Because I want whatever it is you want
Even if it means you leaving me
As long as it makes you happy . . .
Yes, I can live without you
But I don't want to live without you
Yet, since you don't share these feelings
I subornate my wishes to you
Even if it means my heart will break . . .

Dreams or Delusions?

For the past couple of days we have laughed together
And seemingly have enjoyed each others company
All of which makes my heart celebrate and want to sing
Yet, I'm fearful that it is all a delusion and just a dream
Which leaves me between wanting to jump for joy
And wanting to scream if indeed it is just a delusion
But I want so hard for it to be real and be so true
Yes, a new beginning for us both, for me and for you
So, if it is a dream, I hope to never, ever awaken
And I pray that my dream will continue forever . . .

A Thawing of Your Heart?

Today we held hands for awhile and we laughed together
Yet, I'm not at all sure what it means, if it means anything?
Still, it was a nice to feel your warmth and have you close
Even if it just means we are friends for the time being
Although, I would hope beyond hope that it means more
And that maybe, just maybe, you heart is beginning to thaw . . .

Trying to Understand the Confusion

My life is so confusing, and my life with you even more so
As I try to figure out what's going on in your mind
Wondering why you stay if the words you say are true
That you don't love me anymore and hate your life
And hate me more because you are my wife . . .
Yet, like a big dope I hang on to dreams and hope
That maybe, just maybe, your heart will soften
And you will fall in love with me all over again
So in the meanwhile I'll try to figure out the confusion
As I try to understand the complexities of your mind and mine . . .

The Silent December

My pen was silent for all of December
As I struggled to just maintain my sanity
Trying to come to grips with sorrow
That even now weighs heavy on my mind
And even heavier and painfully on my heart
As you continue to distance yourself from me
Denying that you have ever loved me
All of which made for a sad Christmas
And an even sadder New Year . . .